Ukhwah Itu Dapat Dirasa Apabila...

Bismillah..

Ukhwah itu dapat dirasa apabila:

1. Kawan mengingatkan kita untuk menunaikan solat tanpa mengira usia.

2. Solat berjemaah bersama-sama walaupun cuma di atas rumput beralaskan 
    kain rentang sebab tak jumpa surau yang berdekatan.

3. Makan picnic beramai-ramai setelah masak berjemaah.

4. Tak cukup dengan makan bersama, dihiaskan lagi ukhwah dengan 
    menyuapkan makanan ke mulut rakan.

5. Senior memberi salam kepada adik2 junior kerana dalam hati sudah 
   memahami, bukannya junior sombong memberi, tapi malu untuk mengucapi.
   (Is that a real word? Mengucapi? Takpe semua boleh haha)

6. Meringankan beban kawan yang penat dengan membantu membuat
    kerjanya sedikit walaupun tak banyak tanpa mengharap ganti rugi 
    mahupun belanja.

7. Setelah penat sehari di kuliah, mendapat surprise air susu cokelat dari 
    rakan.

8. Kakak senior yang sememangnya awesome mengingati nama adik junior 
   walaupun jarang sekali terjumpa. (Sedih bila terlupa nama kakak senior)

9. Kawan memaafkan kita yang memang annoying kadang-kadang walaupun
   geram sikit-sikit.

10. Senyum manis tanda sayang sesama Islam. 
     (Kalau girls senyum manis kat girls jugak k, bukan kat ikhwah)


P.S. Random things that make me love Ukhwah Fillah

Does This Jubah Make Me Look Fat?

Bismillah..

Hmm.....It's so black. Too black. No colour whatsoever. And what is up with the size? Why is it soooo big???

As I look in the mirror, I saw a figure. I don't know this person. I look at 'her', and 'she' looks at me.  Her face is familiar but I don't recognise her. Sigh...

I turn around from right to left. I turn again from left to right, just to see from every angle. I can't see the shape of her arms nor can I see the length of her legs. I stand there silently as I watch a stranger standing in front of me. 

The skinny jeans are calling from the closet, the baby Ts' are laughing from the hangers:

                     "Babe, you look fat in that jubah."

I shut my eyes as I look away from them, thinking:

               "Dude, black is slimming!"

I open my eyes again to the girl in the mirror. This time she smiles at me.

Slowly, I put on my hijab. My 'tudung labuh' as people call it. I make it as neat as possible so the girl in the mirror will like it. Surprisingly she smiles again. 

As I close my eyes again, knowing when I open them, I will see the girl in the mirror. I am going to see that stranger again. Cowardly, I open my eyes. The girl has disappeared. She is no where to be found. This time, I see a Muslimah. 

This time, I see me..  
           

Teguran Dari Allah Buat Diriku

Bismillah..

Sepanjang hari hati rasa tak tenang. Masalah yang datang rasa berat sangat. Terasa nak mengadu dengan Allah setiap masa. Jalan on the way gi "gamaah" (universiti dalam bahasa arab ammi) pun slow2 sambil hati tak habis2 mengadu kat Allah. Oh Allah, please help me...

Balik je rumah Allah dah bagi suprise hadiah untuk diriku. Tengok2 kawan se-matrik msg. Rasa macam Allah saje je hantarkan sahabatku untuk hiburkan hati ku. Lambat sikit je reply dia dah msg lg tny ok ke tak..Kenapa sedih2 nie..Oh kawan, terharu la sayang...

Kawan: Amany kau ok tak?? Citer la...
Me     : Ok insyaAllah.. :') 

So mula la perbualan pasal masalah yang tak berapa nak besar sebenarnye tapi sendiri manja tak kuat sangat. Nak jugak mengadu dekat kawan seukhwah fillah ku ni. Kawan pun dengar dengan penuh tekun sambil tenangkan hati yang tengah gundah gulana ni. Serious sweet la kawan ni...Ni yang sayang lebih ni! Huhu..After dah habis sibuk citer pasal masalah sendiri, baru lah nak tanya khabar kawan.

Me     : Eyt kau camne sekarang? Rindu kau kot! Lame giler tak bual dengan 
           kau...
Kawan: Aku? Camni la weh..haha
Me     : Apakah? Camni? =_=" Kau busy ke sekarang?
Kawan: Haha..Aku ni nak kata busy tak tau la. Tapi sekarang aku tengah 
           practical, balik office hour. Busy jugak la. Hari khamis hari tu aku balik
           mintak cuti. Mak aku operation.
Me     : Mak kau operate apa? Kawan sorry....Aku dah lama tak contact kau 
           sampai tak tau pun mak kau masuk hospital lagi.... :(
           Mak kau camne sekarang? Ayah kau sihat?
Kawan: Takpe. Mak aku operate cancer. Breast cancer. Nasib baik supervisor 
           aku baik, kalau tak nak mampus susah nak mintak cuti. Mak aku ok 
           Alhamdulillah..
Me     : Oh...InsyaAllah mak kau sihat amin...
           Boleh aku tanya, mak kau stage berapa cancer?
Kawan: Stage 2 nak pergi 3. Doktor cakap masa operate tu ada sikit kat
           underarm. Dia nak merebak, doktor buang siap2 la. Ni tengah tunggu
           diorang buat test sama ada nak chemo ke tak. Hopefully takyah la.
Me     : Oh...
Kawan: Kesian aku tengok. Kadang2 tu nak nangis pun ada.
Me     : Takpe insyaAllah ok..
Kawan: Aritu time parents aku hantar aku balik, mak aku citer kat makcik aku.
           Dia cakap, time tu, entah2 ni last dia datang Tanjung Malim hantar  
           aku. 
Me     : Takpe kawan..Aku doakan untuk family kau selalu..and aku doakan 
           kau dapat bersabar.
Kawan: InsyaAllah. Thank you. :)
Me     : Sakit tu kafarah dosa. Allah nak mak kau dapat banyak pahala :)
           Kawan, aku mintak maaf lagi sekali....Rasa sedih la tak dapat ada 
           untuk kau time kau susah.....
Kawan: Eh takpela haha. Kalau aku tak mampu tahan, takkan la Allah nak 
           bagi dugaan kat aku. Janji mak aku hidup.
Me     : :) Subhanallah...Kuat kau sekarang. InsyaAllah. Doakan mak kau
           banyak2, mintak panjangkan umur.
Kawan: Cume aku kesian kat dia sebab dia rasa macam rendah diri.
           Doktor kene buang sebelah payudara dia. Bila dia cakap, aku kata la 
           kat dia takpe. Nak buat camne..Kalau tak buang lagi teruk. 
Me     : Takpe..Kalau tu yg doktor dia suggest, insyaAllah tu yg 
           terbaik..Doktor tu tukang sampaikan je..Yang ilhamkan treatment tu
           Allah..Allah lagi tau apa treatment yang paling baik. At least mak kau
           dapat detect cancer tu sebelum stage lagi teruk kan.
Kawan: Yup. Tula..Adoyai aku tak reti nak bagi mak aku tak fikir bukan2.
Me     : Takpe..Doa banyak2..Hiburkan hati mak kau..Nanti kat Syurga nanti
           mak kau jadi jauh lg cantik dri kat dunia nie :)
Kawan: InsyaAllah..Amin..Mak aku ada citer, dia rasa dia asyik susahkan ayah
           aku je. Adeh..Ni yang malas nak citer nie. Kan dah nak nangis. Haha
Me     : Takpe. Ala kau citer dengan aku je. Aku kan kawan kau :)
           Rasa cam nak bagi big hug kat kau. Kau kuat sangat2...
Kawan: Kalau kau hug aku, memang habis keluar la air mata aku haha

Hari ni aku dapat dua teguran dari Allah melalui rakan ku. Halus sangat cara Allah menegur diri ni. Masalah kecik yang Allah bagi pun dah merintih sedangkan sahabat kesayangan ku ada masalah yang jauh lagi besar tapi tetap bersabar. Allah sayangkan hamba2-Nya yang bersabar kan. Nak bersabar jugak la :)

Satu lagi teguran yang Allah beri ialah tentang adab ku dengan sahabat. Nama je kawan tapi aku dah lama sangat tak bertanya khabar sedangkan Nabi dah ajar kalau kita sayang kawan kita, kita kena beritahu kawan tu. 

Alhamdulillah rasa bersyukur sangat sebab Allah masih sudi nak menegur kesalahan hambaNya ni yang memang penuh salah silap dan dosa..Terasa sangat disayangi oleh-Nya walaupun diri ni tak layak sebenarnya...O Allah, I love you so much...

Kepada kawanku, I love you because of Allah. May Allah bless you and your family dear...Hugs and kisses...

What If Money Didn't Matter

Bismillah..

I came across a video shared by Aiman Azlan. The title intrigued me enough to check out what the video was all about. The idea of it is so simple yet I have never thought of it before. What if money didn't matter?

Earlier today I had the chance to go to one of the world's best places to visit...Taman-taman Syurga =)

Dalam sebuah hadith yang diriwayatkan oleh Tabrani, Rasulullah saw bersabda, "Apabila melewati taman syurga, hendaklah engkau duduk di situ. Istirahatlah kamu di situ." Para sahabat bertanya, "Ya Rasulullah, apakah taman syurga itu?" Nabi menjawab, "Majlis-majlis ilmu."

It was a simple program conducted by the medical students here in Egypt to remind everyone of the beauty of Islam. Personally, the best part about studying here is not only I get to study medicine from some of the best doctors in the world, I get to study Islam from the best kind of people. The kind of people who loves Allah and his Prophet s.a.w. more than anything else in this world. I can't even explain the feeling that I get whenever I'm in one of these majlis-majlis ilmu. All of my worries will magically disappear and I can't help but smile whenever a hadith is read. Makes me miss our Prophet so much...The whole time I was at the majlis, I kept thinking I could stay here forever...

If Dunya is not important at all, I would leave everything in a heartbeat just to be in sujud all the time, to feel close to Allah always. But this isn't right. An Ustaz once said in one of the classes I attended here, that Akhirat is our main priority. But we have responsibilities as the Khalifah of Dunya. 

So as I ponder on the earlier question (what if money didn't matter), I had my answer. If money didn't matter to me, I would remain in taman-taman Syurga til I get to reach Jannah...

The link to the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nif01WZ9aI&feature=youtu.be

Kalau Couple Itu Haram, Syok Sendiri Boleh?

Bismillah..

Rasanya sume orang pernah dengar pasal couple itu haram, at least benda ni famous antara budak2 Muslim Malaysians atau lagi tepat lg, budak2 Melayu. Ana setuju dengan statement ni (Huish! Ana tbe2!). Tapi mcm terfikir, syok sendiri pulak mcm mane??

Definition of syok sendiri:

Sejenis perbuatan atau perlakuan yang melibatkan hati dan perasaan tapi pengetahuan tentangnya hanya tertakhluk kepada tuan empunya perasaan sahaja.

Clear dah kan? 

Contoh situasi yang melibatkan crush:

On the way balik dari kelas tuition waktu malam dgn kawan2, tiba2 Encik Crush pon lalu. Untuk menegur, selaku seorang struggling muslimah, anda rasa tak patut sebab nak menjaga ikhtilat. Encik Crush pulak sememangnya jenis tak menegur perempuan sebab dia ikhwah yang menjaga pandangan (sebab tu ada crush dgn dia *shy2 cat*). Untuk hanya memandang, lagi la tak patut. Tapi sebelum sempat buat2 tak nampak, Encik Crush dah ternampak anda sebab kebetulan dia angkat kepala masa anda lalu di hadapannya. Lalu dalam keadaan panic attack tak tau nak buat apa, anda cpt2 pandang ke bawah bagaikan tak nampak walaupun hakikatnya terang-terangan dah nampak. Haish. Dahla gaya ala2 sombong, kantoi keluar malam tanpa mushrif T_T

Mushrif: Perkataan yang sangat popular dalam kalangan student Malaysia di Mesir. Maksudnya ikhwah atau lelaki yang menemankan akhawat bila keluar terutama sekali waktu malam. Tujuan bertemankan seorang atau dua orang ikhwah adalah untuk menjaga keselamatan akhawat Malaysian di Mesir dari gangguan Arab.

Rasa malu tak tau nak letak mana muka yang dah rasa panas ni. Hot kemerahan muka you know! Malu sebab mmg syok sendiri dgn Mr Crush tapi lagi malu sebab rasa respect dengan peribadi dia yang menjaga pandangan. Tak sampai sesaat cepat2 dia menundukkan kembali pandangan. 

Okay cerita dah melalut panjang....

Hah! Jadi, persoalannya sekarang, syok sendiri itu boleh ke tidak...?

Allah berfirman:"Dan janganlah kamu mendekati zina; sesungguhnya zina itu adalah suatu perbuatan yang keji. Dan suatu jalan yang buruk" (Al-Isra' 17:32)

In this ayat, Allah mentioned to us not only to NOT engage in zina, but to avoid any encounters that can lead to zina itself. For example, it may start with a simple text messaging. Then it may lead to going on a date with each other. Next will be holding hands, touching, kissing, etc. You get the idea.

Hadis Rasulullah s.a.w yang dilaporkan oleh Abu Hurayrah r.a. yang bermaksud: "Sesungguhnya telah tertulis (ditetapkan), bagi setiap anak Adam (manusia) bahagian mereka daripada zina yang pasti dia akan dapat tanpa kecuali (kecuali dengan izin Allah). Maka zina mata ialah dengan melihat, zina lidah ialah dengan bercakap, zina hati (jiwa) dengan berangan-angan dan berkeinginan (nafsu syahwat), dan (bergantung kepada) kemaluanlah sama ada untuk membenarkan (keinginan itu), atau menafikannya." [Hadis Riwayat Bukhari]

Even the Prophet himself Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. had mentioned about other forms of zina. They may not be the actual zina, but they can truly waver the hearts of the believers. 

Rasanya hampir semua orang tau yang syaitan sentiasa cuba untuk menyesatkan anak2 Adam. Kadang2 kita tak perasan betapa halusnya hasutan syaitan tu. Dia tak suruh kita terus berzina, dia mesti start dengan ringan2 dulu. Mula2 dia suruh tengok each other, lepas tu ter-admire la pulak dengan sifat dia yang alim2 gitu. Dia suruh cuba contact, test power sikit tengok dia reply tak. Gurau2 sikit masa texting, liking sikit dekat facebook status. Lama-lama sendiri tak sedar yang kita dah masuk pun dalam perangkap syaitan. Nauzubillah...

Honestly, as a struggling muslimah, sometimes it is hard to differentiate which is right and which is wrong according to syara'. Definitely my own fault and I will continue on to try to improve myself as a Muslim. 

Memang susah nak control hati sendiri. Kadang2 kita just dah tersuka kan. Allah tau dan kenal sangat hamba-hambaNya. Allah cipta kita dalam keadaan yang memang tak sempurna. Suka syok sendiri tu mungkin susah nak elak. Tapi yang kita boleh control, perbuatan kita. Kalau dah tersuka, jangan kita buka ruang untuk digoda syaitan lagi. Jaga ikhtilat dan pergaulan. Elakkan perbualan yang memang tak penting. Agak2 kalau tiba2 terfikir jokes baru ke apa ke simpan jela britau kat housemates ke lagi baik insyaAllah. Kalau ada situasi yang memang dah tak boleh elak contoh kene bercakap dalam buat kerja, jangan kita lembutkan suara dengan sengaja. InsyaAllah, May Allah help us in keeping our hearts close to Him always. :)

Serious terasa bila tengok pic nie. Ouch!

I Tak Suka You Tapi I Sayang You

Bismillah..

You..Seriously I tak faham you kadang2. You happy, you gelak. You merajuk, you senyap. Kenapakah?

You..Kita kenal dah masuk tahun ketiga dah nie. Maafkan I sebab kadang2 I still tak dapat baca perangai you. I salahkan diri I sebab maybe I kurang care psl you. Sometimes I just forget to ask how are you.

Sepanjang kita study sama2 nie, I rasa you la yg I plg I rapat. Kita happy sama2, nangis sama2, semua sama2. But every once in a while, I guess we forget to be nice to each other.

You..I know that life can get rough. Even when you don't say anything, I can read you. Your eyes were looking at me but deep down you were nowhere to be found. You're feeling lost and I can see that. Have we not known each other long enough for you to come to me when you need me?

I tau maybe you malu nak cakap ape yg you fikir. I ajak you share mkn pon you malu dgn I. But sometimes I don't know what to do. I'm trying really hard to reach out to you but I'm only human. I have bad days too. Most of the time, I think I disappoint you when I fail to help you. I'm really sorry dear...I'll try to be better...

Btw, before it gets panas here, ini bukan pasal boyfriend. Ini pasal teman. Every struggling muslimah needs a good friend and be a good friend. I'm trying really hard to be one...

Rasullulah pernah bersabda , dari AbiHamzah Anas bin Malik radiyallah ‘anh, khadam Rasullulah s.a.w: “ Tidak beriman seseorang daripada kamu hingga ia mencintai untuk sahabatnya apa yang ia cintai untuk dirinya.”

Pintu Suka Hati

Bismillah..

It has been a pretty gloomy week for me. Why? I have no idea! I'm still the same when I'm with my friends, trying to be as cheerful as I can be. But inside, I'm stuck in a place where I don't want to be. My heart simply isn't here right now. Haish...

Ever since we finished our exam, it had been kind of hard for me to pick myself back up. I can't study well. So whenever I try to read or attempt to do some revision, my eyes would be fixed on the book but I don't even understand a word that I'm reading. Oh my God alasan banyak la Amany! My Mummy please help me :'( Anak Ibu is really struggling to study here!

P.s. Doraemon ada pintu suka hati. I want one so badly so I can go home to 
      my family and just be with them for a while. Thank you Allah for Skype!

I'm currently unavailable because my heart is in Malaysia

My Rights As A Muslim

Bismillah..

I'm currently on my way back to tanah airku Malaysia yang penuh awesome! At first I thought I should just rest because this transit is going to take about 5 hours and I am definitely sleep deprived. But somehow I feel like this is a story I should tell. A story that I want to share. A story so embarrassing on my part, yet I am not ashamed of it.

It all happened after I landed in Abu Dhabi after a 4 hours flight from Cairo. Tiring but I didn't mind because I really want to go home. As usual, we had to be checked and would go through the scanner. The scanner detects metals so we had to remove metal stuff from our bodies. I removed my watch but I knew my belt would set the alarm off and it did. This happens all the time. Normally, they would assign a lady officer to inspect me and it would not be a problem. But this time, it was different.

The man asked me to remove my belt. I told him I couldn't because my jeans was really baggy. Literally baggy! So he asked me to go through another scanner where there were lady officers in charge. I had no problem with that. Again the alarm was set off. When that happened, the lady officer asked me if it was my belt and I told her yes. This lady was quite young, she was not wearing a hijab so I am not sure what her religion is. Nevertheless, she was very nice to me. She looked at me understandingly and let me through. After she let me through, another lady officer got involved. A Muslim, hijab-wearing lady officer. She scolded me for not wanting to take my belt off and asked me to do so.

Now, I understood perfectly that she was just doing her job. Out of respect, I asked her if I could take it off in the private room provided and I would willingly walk through the scanner again. The reason for this is that I didn't want to take off my belt in front of all the boys queing behind me. My jeans was really loose and to be honest, I felt so uncomfortable having to pull up my blouse up to my waist, exposing my thighs and my butt to other people.

For those who know me well, I am definitely not the most religious girl around. I used to wear jeans and short t-shirts all the time. I took advantage of my youth and I exposed parts of my aurat. Today, for the first time in my life, I had to defend my rights as a Muslim girl to cover up my modesty. The hijab-wearing lady officer rejected my request without even considering it. I felt violated. I was betrayed by a fellow Muslimah. The non-hijabi officer tried to fight for me but did not prevail. Honestly, may Allah bless her for trying to help me.

The embarrasment that I felt could not be expressed through words. Tears went down my cheeks as I pull up my blouse to take off my belt in front of everybody. I hold on tight to my jeans to prevent it from falling off. After that, my friend quickly comforted me. We went to the ladies room and I silently cried while waiting for my friend. There were Malaysian girls around but they just looked at me and left. I didn't mind because I didn't want the attention. Then came this beautiful Arab girl who took notice of me. She wore a niqab with polkadots scalf. Even with only her eyes exposed, I could tell how beautiful she is. She straight away asked me if there was something wrong. At first I told her everything was fine but she refused to leave me alone. So I told her what happened and those tears were tears of embarrassment.

She listened. Then she quickly hugged me tightly and whispered to me. She told me to think of Rasulullah s.a.w. ... Such simple words yet was so powerful. She reminded me of the struggles that the Prophet faced and told me that everything would be okay and that everybody goes through hardships. Even though I forgot to ask her name, but I'll always remember this moment.

Never would I thought that I would experience something like this. And this happened in Abu Dhabi where Muslims dominate the population! I know that some people might not understand why I feel the need to share this story. Compared to the Muslimahs in Syiria, in Palestine, this story is nothing. But for the first time in my life, I truly understand why Muslim girls all over the world, fight for their rights. Even if it is not much, I felt a fraction of what my Muslim sisters in France felt when the hijab was banned. I felt a fraction of what my niqabi sisters felt when people make fun of their choice to cover up their face. I felt only a fraction of it, and Alhamdulillah I am truly grateful for this opportunity...

Merayu Rindu

Bismillah...

A Love Letter To A Dear Friend

Assalamualaikum..Hi my friend...

It's been a while since you're gone..In fact, it has been a year since Allah took you away from this world, to enter the real world. A lot of things have happened dear. Wish you could be here for a second so we can talk and catch up. But I guess that is not possible, so I'm writing this letter to you...because I miss you...

I can still remember the moment. It was around 3 pm, at a fast food joint. Life went on as usual and I was supposed to have a discussion on the presentation that I had to do. It was quite there as I was waiting for my friends to arrive. Then came a phone call, a phone call I dreaded til this day. Syila said to me, "Did you hear about it?" I asked her what was she talking about. At first I could not believe my own ears, but then it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was true. You had passed away...

You were so young dear...You were just about to explore the world, enjoy life. But I understood that it was your time to go. Allah had put you in this world for 18 years and I had the pleasure  to have known you for 2 whole years. Quite frankly, we were not the closest of friends. I believe distance was what kept us apart. Even though we did not know each other well, you have never left my mind. 

My dear friend, I will never forget how we first met. 

How fond of you of your older brother. 

How funny and lively you were every time you spoke.

How you beat me at car racing game at the mall.

How you reminded me to pray after beating me at that game.

How you asked me why can't we be friends anymore after I forgot to contact you for so long.

To which I replied, we will always be friends...

My friend, I think Allah purposely wanted me to meet you that day.

You are the constant voice in my head. You are the reason I look at life differently.

Most importantly, you are the most profound reminder for me that death is knocking on my door closely...

You lived a great life and I pray as much as I can that Allah has put you in Jannah among the people of iman..

I want you to know that I love you because of Allah. I'm grateful to Allah for the chance to have known you.

Most of all, you are one of the reasons I did my 'hijrah', and for that, thank you dear...

Hugs and kisses, 

Your Friend 

P.s. This post is dedicated to my friend, who past away exactly a year ago. I was already in Egypt again when I got the news, so I never had the chance to say good bye. Nevertheless, I have made peace with it because the beauty of Islam is that a du'a does not require us to be close to a person. I can pray for my friend whenever I want as Allah always listens. The reason I decided to share this story is that life is just too short. It does not distinguish old and young people. My friend was the kind of person who valued a prayer more than life itself. Let us all do too...Al-Fatihah...

Salam perantauan di musim sonata

Bismillah...

It was around 4pm in Egypt and 10pm in Malaysia. I was alone at home, my housemates went out. It got pretty lonely so I wanted to skype with my family. The minute my Ibu called me, I saw her face and I wanted to cry. Okay the homesick bug just got to me.

We talked a lot. My Ayah joined in after he finished his prayers. It felt so nice just watching their facial expressions when they talked. I knew they missed me a lot because I haven't skyped with them for so long. Maybe not as much as I miss them.

At some point during our conversation, they asked about my friends who went back to Malaysia. I told them the holiday has been extended so they won't be coming back to Mesir any time soon. Some of them even went on a tour to Europe.

The minute I told them about it, I saw their faces changed a bit. You see, we have never been rich. But I have always considered myself a child of great privilege. Through my eyes, I have a wonderful loving family who cares about me no matter how annoying I am. That was all that mattered to me. Plus, we have never been hungry or without a shelter so that is already a bonus for me.

It doesn't bother me at all the fact that my friends get to go on vacations to Europe or wherever they want to go. I know if my parents could afford it, they would have let me go on a tour in a heartbeat. Seeing my parents looked sad just because they couldn't afford to do so, it really broke my heart.

Up until now as I am typing this entry, tears keep running down my face. If there is one thing that I can't handle, it will be seeing my family sad.

My Ibu, may Allah bless her, quickly told me she would bank in some extra money for me. That way I can go out with my friends to eat pizzas because she knows it's my favourite food. I told her I already did eat some pizzas a few days ago. My Ayah insisted I should go out with my friends and enjoy ourselves. (I kept crying inside when he said that to me)

To my Ibu and Ayah, I love you so much. Words can never describe how truly grateful I am to have both of you as my parents. You raised me so well. Never once was I deprived of your love. Don't worry Ibu, don't worry Ayah, I don't need to go to Europe this instant. I don't need to eat pizzas all the time to make me happy. I have Ibu, Ayah and Adik. That is more than I can ask for. May Allah bless you. I pray that someday Allah will let me have the chance to repay your deeds InsyaAllah...

Home is where my heart is

Muka ku di muka buku

Nowadays I see a lot of people are getting more conscious about Islam which is awesome! It's pretty cool the fact that the muda-mudi remaja are preferring to go to the Masjid to get a glimpse of Ustaz Azhar Idrus instead of rempit-ing till midnight. Whenever I see my friends prefer to listen to Ustaz Don's ceramah instead of watching music video clips on youtube, I feel kinda proud of them because everyone is making a little effort to get to know Islam just a little bit more. 

I saw on facebook today a picture drawn by rusydee artz (He really is a good artist!). So he drew a new picture and it's about encouraging all the akhowat out there to start deleting their pictures on FB. Here's the drawing:

So it got me thinking, is it really wrong to put up our photos on the alam maya muka buku?

Before my personal hijrah to become a better muslimah, I used to put up like every single picture of mine on FB. You know, like every other normal girl would do. There would be pictures of me with my family during raya, pictures of my cat, but mostly, pictures of me having fun with my friends.

To me, those pictures represented all the memories I've had with my girl friends. There were photos of me and my girls jumping in the air at our matric's squash court. Or simple photos of us just hanging out at the mall eating together and what girls do best....SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!! There were even photos of us singing together at a karaoke lounge. Haha good times...

All of these pictures didn't bother me at all. I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong. At that time I thought, if I don't kacau anybody's life, then it was my prerogative to put up all those pictures out there for everyone to see...(As if people actually wanna see them. Budget artis sungguh)

After I underwent my own personal hijrah, I started thinking more about what I can and cannot do.  One of the first things that I thought about was my pictures. Somehow something just clicked in my head and I quickly private all of them. At first I thought about leaving just 1 picture of me as my profile picture. I guess the devil kept whispering in my ears saying stuff like..

Encik devil gedik:

"If you leave no picture of you whatsoever, like, how will your friends know that it's you?"

Encik devil bongek:

"What if your long lost friend from sekolah kecik2 dulu saw you on facebook, but can't be sure it's you so he/she decides to not reconnect with you?

Encik devil memujuk rayu + lagi gedik:

"If you don't show your face, how will the cute guys add you on facebook?"

What the.............

Nauzubillah....

In the end, I put every picture of mine on private. But back then, I didn't really understand why I did it. (Actually I did have a personal reason why I decided to private them but that's a long story. Moving on!)

But looking back, I guess it was a good decision for me. I find that mostly the people who add me on FB actually know me instead of just simply adding me to their friend list. Besides, I put my real name there so my friends won't have any problem trying to find my timeline.

Ustaz Azhar Idrus once said that it is permissible to put up our picture on FB, but make sure it is for profile picture and it is a small one. However, Nouman Ali prefers us, the Muslim sisters, to delete them completely. I'm not exactly sure if there is a fatwa on this but I feel that it is better to follow the advice of the scholars. I am in no position whatsoever to say if it is haram or permissible to do so nor am I judging my friends who happen to put up their pictures on FB. Everybody is entitled to their own opinions and I believe that my girls know what is best for them.

As for me, my profile picture stays as it is. A picture of a kid with a butterfly that I took from Google image. Wee.... ^__^ 

Don't wake my baby up tonight

Please don't wake my baby up tonight

He had just fallen asleep

After a long hard day

Of hunger n terror

At last he is with his dreams..

Please don't wake my baby up tonight

With guns, bombs and bullets

For he is just a little child

With hopes of a better future

For now he is with his dreams..

Please don't wake my baby up tonight

It is still dark outside

Not much difference from the daylight

As blood is shed from dusk til dawn

At least for now he is with his dreams..

Please don't wake my baby up tonight

His father isn't coming home

No more hugs and no more lullabies

Not now not tomorrow not ever

Maybe he is with him in his dreams..

Please don't wake my baby up tonight

Don't fill the air with the sound of tears

I would like him to hear the Koran's verses

Soothing calming the words of God

Maybe he will sleep with better dreams..

Please don't wake my baby up tonight

Spare his life for another day

Don't be afraid of what comes after

As God rewards the patience of believers

Sleep soundly my dear with sweet dreams..

Dedicated to the people of Palestine...

Berjimba-jimba mencari pahala

Today is Tuesday (I just found out about this. Ever since the holiday started, I don't know the day and date most of the time haha). I woke up at 4.30 a.m. Lately I've been going to bed early just to wake up earlier every morning. Usually during the holidays I would basically just stay up all night till sunrise then sleep. Okay I'm a natural born night owl. Can you blame me?? But nowadays, I find myself enjoying the morning a lot. It makes me feel like I have the whole day to myself. I am in control of the day where I can plan whatever I wanna do and take my time eating breakfast and stuff. Btw, breakfast is my favourite meal of the day. Seriously. Breakfast is just awesome!

So I started my morning with the usual. Meaning I had breakfast, watched some movies. You know, normal stuff people do during winter break. Class will only start on the 22nd which means I have plenty of time to do whatever I wanna do. I noticed a change in myself. These past few days, I kept forgetting to recite the Zikr, something that I try to amalkan every morning. Whenever I don't, I do feel the distance between my heart and Allah grows. (Note to self : Please recite the Zikr tomorrow moring. No more excuses girl!) Ehem. As I was saying, after I took time just to get into the groove, I felt like studying. I'm not a fast learner and medic has been quite a challenge for me so far. My add math teacher once told me, if we're not the best learner, we can always make up by being the most hardworking student. So I just wanted to start reading and get a heads up for next semester's syllabus. Besides, I've always been a proud nerd haha. First case: Spina Bifida. It is a condition in which there is a defect in the neural tube for the foetus, so there is a protrusion of the spine. I haven't finished reading about it but I will get back to it!

Speaking of studying, I'm so nervous about my results!!! I have no idea how it will turn out. A lot of things happened during last semester. Allah tested me many times and it was such a difficult time of my life. I guess my studies were affected because of the problems I faced. It was tough but I really did try my very best. I put as much effort as I could into my exams. Scared? Oh yeah I'm definitely scared about the results! I'm always scared about letting my parents down.... But I do have faith in Allah. I know that whatever happens it'll be the best for me. Now is the time for tawakal.. =) I did make a "nazar" for my result and I pray that Allah will give me a chance to fulfill my nazar InsyaAllah when the results come out.

Next plan of the day, I got a chance to volunteer to help distribute food to the poor. At around 2pm, my friends and I gathered to this place where they had stocks of rice, sugar and some beans. There was this one senior of mine, she had her niqab on but she spoke with such confidence, I just had to be mesmerized by her grace. I've always admired girls who have the courage to cover their faces with the niqab. That way, they can be judged solely by their brains, not by their looks. Isn't that a beautiful thing? Well, this kakak was the person who gave a briefing on how we, the volunteers, could help. We were instructed to measure all the foods available by the weighing thingy. Then, we packed all the foods into plastic bags, 1 kg each. Everybody was so eager to help in every way possible. We also met some wonderful new Egyptian friends along the way. This great charity work was made possible by a non-profit organisation called "Ar-Resala". They help distribute clothes and foods to the less fortunate. Truly only Allah can repay their kindness! The Egyptians who worked with us today were all so friendly with warm smiles across their faces. I actually wished I could spend more time with them just to get to know them better. The job was finished pretty quickly. We took many pictures together just to have a piece of the memory of today. Love was definitely in the air people!

While packing the food supplies, I kept trying to imagine about the people that are going to receive all the foods. Will they smile? Will they cry? Who will they thank first? Will they keep us in their prayers? Mostly, I pray that they won't have to feel hungry again the next day...

Before this, I have always wanted to be a part of a volunteering work. As any other Malaysian girl out there, I used to watch 3R every Sunday! I never missed any of it and I used to force my Dad to watch 3R instead of F1 if it was on at the same time. Kesian my Ayah, may Allah bless him for his patience all those years ^_^. So back to the story, 3R heavily promoted any form of charity work and I used to pray that one day I would get the chance to contribute as well. Allah granted my wish today =) . It was so rewarding.....Seeing everyone who was a part of today's event worked diligently just to have a chance at helping, made me feel like humanity is still alive in our society. Made me believe that good people are always around us.

The first time I ever learnt about the act of sedekah is by my Ayah. We used to go to a pasar malam every Thursday, and there will be this old man who would recite the Holy Koran in front of everyone. The thing is, the man was blind. Yet, that wasn't an excuse for him. He didn't just sit there waiting for someone to hand him money. Instead, he did what he could. He recited the Koran and wallahi, he had such a beautiful voice. I was still small back then but I can still remember how he looked and how well he knew the Koran's verses. My Ayah gave a 50 cents coin to me, and asked me to go hand it to that man. That was my very first leason about sedekah and I will never forget it. It was very little money but he taught me such a big lesson at such a young age.

In Islam, the act of sedekah or giving zakat is highly encouraged. Whoever that gives sedekah in order to seek for Allah's mercy will definitely be rewarded.

The example of those who spend their wealth in the way of Allah is like a seed [of grain] which grows seven spikes; in each spike is a hundred grains. And Allah multiplies [His reward] for whom He wills. And Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing. (Al-Baqarah:261)

I know that most of us students are on holidays. I don't know about other people but whenever I'm on a break, I find my state of iman slips a little bit. It does get harder for me to control myself in my natural habitat. And by natural habitat, I mean in my house, in my bedroom, in my comfy toasty comforter on my bed, doing absolutely nothing. Yikes!! So I do find myself forgetting how much I love Allah and Rasulullah s.a.w. I will forget to do the easiest ibadah like zikr, or any of the prophet's sunnah. I will even neglect to recite the simplest daily doa like the doa before going to bed. Seriously, it's frustrating! But at least I realise that now. I will definitely work harder on my state of iman. I am so grateful today that Allah gave a chance to improve my iman by letting me join the charity work and I am grateful that Allah still chooses to remind me of Him every day with His hidayah. I really really hope that the next time I go berjimba-jimba, it will be like today, berjimba-jimba mencari pahala. =)