The Girl At The Mosque

The adhaan is calling and people are making their way to the mosque. It is a normal occurrence in Malaysia since the Ramadan has started. I take a sip of water and sit at the restaurant while others are rushing to answer the call of prayer. Unfortunately, salah is not a part of my life, let alone the tawarih which is performed only once a year.

I continue eating my meal. Normally, I will not even make a flinch of movement at the sound of the adhaan. But something is different today. Something feels different. I cannot stop looking at the sight of people rushing to answer the call of God. Why are they walking so fast? Why does it seem so important to them? More surprisingly, why do they look so happy?..

Being a professional photographer, I take pictures of students' graduation day, birthday parties, weddings, you name it. It gets boring sometimes and the job seems redundant to me. For every gig, I will get to the event early and take a ton of photographs. Even though this job requires me to take photos of people at their joyous moments, I can see every fake smiles through my lenses. But it pays the bills so I am not complaining.

As I finish my last sip of iced tea, I have decided to make my way to the mosque. Not to pray, but just to see what is the big deal about this tarawih thingy.

By the time I arrive, people are praying the tarawih prayer but some have started to leave the mosque. I assume they have finished the minimum eight rakaat of prayer. Yes, I do have some knowledge regarding Islam. After all, I was born a Muslim. Just not a practicing one.

Since the mosque is such a foreign place for me, I accidentally walk at the women's side of the mosque. Yikes. I should get to the men's side quickly before someone sees me.

When I start to walk to the other side, something catches my eyes. I see a girl behind the wall. The wall has holes as part of the decoration and there she is. My head tells me to keep on walking but my heart is intrigued. I walk closer to the wall to get a better view.

I find myself inches away from her. She sits in the dark with her back to the wall so her face is hidden from my view. From what I can see, she seems to be holding a book in her hands. A book that I recognise. It is the Quran, the Holy Book of the Muslims, the Holy words of God.

The sight of a person reciting the Quran moves me. Never have I felt this way before. It is so inexplicable. I have never been good at expressing myself with words. Nevertheless, I know this is an experience I do not want to forget.

So I express my feelings through my lenses. I gently hold my camera up and swiftly capture the moment. Then I walk away with this memory in mind.

The End.

Ukhwah Itu Dapat Dirasa Apabila...

Bismillah..

Ukhwah itu dapat dirasa apabila:

1. Kawan mengingatkan kita untuk menunaikan solat tanpa mengira usia.

2. Solat berjemaah bersama-sama walaupun cuma di atas rumput beralaskan 
    kain rentang sebab tak jumpa surau yang berdekatan.

3. Makan picnic beramai-ramai setelah masak berjemaah.

4. Tak cukup dengan makan bersama, dihiaskan lagi ukhwah dengan 
    menyuapkan makanan ke mulut rakan.

5. Senior memberi salam kepada adik2 junior kerana dalam hati sudah 
   memahami, bukannya junior sombong memberi, tapi malu untuk mengucapi.
   (Is that a real word? Mengucapi? Takpe semua boleh haha)

6. Meringankan beban kawan yang penat dengan membantu membuat
    kerjanya sedikit walaupun tak banyak tanpa mengharap ganti rugi 
    mahupun belanja.

7. Setelah penat sehari di kuliah, mendapat surprise air susu cokelat dari 
    rakan.

8. Kakak senior yang sememangnya awesome mengingati nama adik junior 
   walaupun jarang sekali terjumpa. (Sedih bila terlupa nama kakak senior)

9. Kawan memaafkan kita yang memang annoying kadang-kadang walaupun
   geram sikit-sikit.

10. Senyum manis tanda sayang sesama Islam. 
     (Kalau girls senyum manis kat girls jugak k, bukan kat ikhwah)


P.S. Random things that make me love Ukhwah Fillah

Does This Jubah Make Me Look Fat?

Bismillah..

Hmm.....It's so black. Too black. No colour whatsoever. And what is up with the size? Why is it soooo big???

As I look in the mirror, I saw a figure. I don't know this person. I look at 'her', and 'she' looks at me.  Her face is familiar but I don't recognise her. Sigh...

I turn around from right to left. I turn again from left to right, just to see from every angle. I can't see the shape of her arms nor can I see the length of her legs. I stand there silently as I watch a stranger standing in front of me. 

The skinny jeans are calling from the closet, the baby Ts' are laughing from the hangers:

                     "Babe, you look fat in that jubah."

I shut my eyes as I look away from them, thinking:

               "Dude, black is slimming!"

I open my eyes again to the girl in the mirror. This time she smiles at me.

Slowly, I put on my hijab. My 'tudung labuh' as people call it. I make it as neat as possible so the girl in the mirror will like it. Surprisingly she smiles again. 

As I close my eyes again, knowing when I open them, I will see the girl in the mirror. I am going to see that stranger again. Cowardly, I open my eyes. The girl has disappeared. She is no where to be found. This time, I see a Muslimah. 

This time, I see me..  
           

Teguran Dari Allah Buat Diriku

Bismillah..

Sepanjang hari hati rasa tak tenang. Masalah yang datang rasa berat sangat. Terasa nak mengadu dengan Allah setiap masa. Jalan on the way gi "gamaah" (universiti dalam bahasa arab ammi) pun slow2 sambil hati tak habis2 mengadu kat Allah. Oh Allah, please help me...

Balik je rumah Allah dah bagi suprise hadiah untuk diriku. Tengok2 kawan se-matrik msg. Rasa macam Allah saje je hantarkan sahabatku untuk hiburkan hati ku. Lambat sikit je reply dia dah msg lg tny ok ke tak..Kenapa sedih2 nie..Oh kawan, terharu la sayang...

Kawan: Amany kau ok tak?? Citer la...
Me     : Ok insyaAllah.. :') 

So mula la perbualan pasal masalah yang tak berapa nak besar sebenarnye tapi sendiri manja tak kuat sangat. Nak jugak mengadu dekat kawan seukhwah fillah ku ni. Kawan pun dengar dengan penuh tekun sambil tenangkan hati yang tengah gundah gulana ni. Serious sweet la kawan ni...Ni yang sayang lebih ni! Huhu..After dah habis sibuk citer pasal masalah sendiri, baru lah nak tanya khabar kawan.

Me     : Eyt kau camne sekarang? Rindu kau kot! Lame giler tak bual dengan 
           kau...
Kawan: Aku? Camni la weh..haha
Me     : Apakah? Camni? =_=" Kau busy ke sekarang?
Kawan: Haha..Aku ni nak kata busy tak tau la. Tapi sekarang aku tengah 
           practical, balik office hour. Busy jugak la. Hari khamis hari tu aku balik
           mintak cuti. Mak aku operation.
Me     : Mak kau operate apa? Kawan sorry....Aku dah lama tak contact kau 
           sampai tak tau pun mak kau masuk hospital lagi.... :(
           Mak kau camne sekarang? Ayah kau sihat?
Kawan: Takpe. Mak aku operate cancer. Breast cancer. Nasib baik supervisor 
           aku baik, kalau tak nak mampus susah nak mintak cuti. Mak aku ok 
           Alhamdulillah..
Me     : Oh...InsyaAllah mak kau sihat amin...
           Boleh aku tanya, mak kau stage berapa cancer?
Kawan: Stage 2 nak pergi 3. Doktor cakap masa operate tu ada sikit kat
           underarm. Dia nak merebak, doktor buang siap2 la. Ni tengah tunggu
           diorang buat test sama ada nak chemo ke tak. Hopefully takyah la.
Me     : Oh...
Kawan: Kesian aku tengok. Kadang2 tu nak nangis pun ada.
Me     : Takpe insyaAllah ok..
Kawan: Aritu time parents aku hantar aku balik, mak aku citer kat makcik aku.
           Dia cakap, time tu, entah2 ni last dia datang Tanjung Malim hantar  
           aku. 
Me     : Takpe kawan..Aku doakan untuk family kau selalu..and aku doakan 
           kau dapat bersabar.
Kawan: InsyaAllah. Thank you. :)
Me     : Sakit tu kafarah dosa. Allah nak mak kau dapat banyak pahala :)
           Kawan, aku mintak maaf lagi sekali....Rasa sedih la tak dapat ada 
           untuk kau time kau susah.....
Kawan: Eh takpela haha. Kalau aku tak mampu tahan, takkan la Allah nak 
           bagi dugaan kat aku. Janji mak aku hidup.
Me     : :) Subhanallah...Kuat kau sekarang. InsyaAllah. Doakan mak kau
           banyak2, mintak panjangkan umur.
Kawan: Cume aku kesian kat dia sebab dia rasa macam rendah diri.
           Doktor kene buang sebelah payudara dia. Bila dia cakap, aku kata la 
           kat dia takpe. Nak buat camne..Kalau tak buang lagi teruk. 
Me     : Takpe..Kalau tu yg doktor dia suggest, insyaAllah tu yg 
           terbaik..Doktor tu tukang sampaikan je..Yang ilhamkan treatment tu
           Allah..Allah lagi tau apa treatment yang paling baik. At least mak kau
           dapat detect cancer tu sebelum stage lagi teruk kan.
Kawan: Yup. Tula..Adoyai aku tak reti nak bagi mak aku tak fikir bukan2.
Me     : Takpe..Doa banyak2..Hiburkan hati mak kau..Nanti kat Syurga nanti
           mak kau jadi jauh lg cantik dri kat dunia nie :)
Kawan: InsyaAllah..Amin..Mak aku ada citer, dia rasa dia asyik susahkan ayah
           aku je. Adeh..Ni yang malas nak citer nie. Kan dah nak nangis. Haha
Me     : Takpe. Ala kau citer dengan aku je. Aku kan kawan kau :)
           Rasa cam nak bagi big hug kat kau. Kau kuat sangat2...
Kawan: Kalau kau hug aku, memang habis keluar la air mata aku haha

Hari ni aku dapat dua teguran dari Allah melalui rakan ku. Halus sangat cara Allah menegur diri ni. Masalah kecik yang Allah bagi pun dah merintih sedangkan sahabat kesayangan ku ada masalah yang jauh lagi besar tapi tetap bersabar. Allah sayangkan hamba2-Nya yang bersabar kan. Nak bersabar jugak la :)

Satu lagi teguran yang Allah beri ialah tentang adab ku dengan sahabat. Nama je kawan tapi aku dah lama sangat tak bertanya khabar sedangkan Nabi dah ajar kalau kita sayang kawan kita, kita kena beritahu kawan tu. 

Alhamdulillah rasa bersyukur sangat sebab Allah masih sudi nak menegur kesalahan hambaNya ni yang memang penuh salah silap dan dosa..Terasa sangat disayangi oleh-Nya walaupun diri ni tak layak sebenarnya...O Allah, I love you so much...

Kepada kawanku, I love you because of Allah. May Allah bless you and your family dear...Hugs and kisses...

What If Money Didn't Matter

Bismillah..

I came across a video shared by Aiman Azlan. The title intrigued me enough to check out what the video was all about. The idea of it is so simple yet I have never thought of it before. What if money didn't matter?

Earlier today I had the chance to go to one of the world's best places to visit...Taman-taman Syurga =)

Dalam sebuah hadith yang diriwayatkan oleh Tabrani, Rasulullah saw bersabda, "Apabila melewati taman syurga, hendaklah engkau duduk di situ. Istirahatlah kamu di situ." Para sahabat bertanya, "Ya Rasulullah, apakah taman syurga itu?" Nabi menjawab, "Majlis-majlis ilmu."

It was a simple program conducted by the medical students here in Egypt to remind everyone of the beauty of Islam. Personally, the best part about studying here is not only I get to study medicine from some of the best doctors in the world, I get to study Islam from the best kind of people. The kind of people who loves Allah and his Prophet s.a.w. more than anything else in this world. I can't even explain the feeling that I get whenever I'm in one of these majlis-majlis ilmu. All of my worries will magically disappear and I can't help but smile whenever a hadith is read. Makes me miss our Prophet so much...The whole time I was at the majlis, I kept thinking I could stay here forever...

If Dunya is not important at all, I would leave everything in a heartbeat just to be in sujud all the time, to feel close to Allah always. But this isn't right. An Ustaz once said in one of the classes I attended here, that Akhirat is our main priority. But we have responsibilities as the Khalifah of Dunya. 

So as I ponder on the earlier question (what if money didn't matter), I had my answer. If money didn't matter to me, I would remain in taman-taman Syurga til I get to reach Jannah...

The link to the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nif01WZ9aI&feature=youtu.be

Kalau Couple Itu Haram, Syok Sendiri Boleh?

Bismillah..

Rasanya sume orang pernah dengar pasal couple itu haram, at least benda ni famous antara budak2 Muslim Malaysians atau lagi tepat lg, budak2 Melayu. Ana setuju dengan statement ni (Huish! Ana tbe2!). Tapi mcm terfikir, syok sendiri pulak mcm mane??

Definition of syok sendiri:

Sejenis perbuatan atau perlakuan yang melibatkan hati dan perasaan tapi pengetahuan tentangnya hanya tertakhluk kepada tuan empunya perasaan sahaja.

Clear dah kan? 

Contoh situasi yang melibatkan crush:

On the way balik dari kelas tuition waktu malam dgn kawan2, tiba2 Encik Crush pon lalu. Untuk menegur, selaku seorang struggling muslimah, anda rasa tak patut sebab nak menjaga ikhtilat. Encik Crush pulak sememangnya jenis tak menegur perempuan sebab dia ikhwah yang menjaga pandangan (sebab tu ada crush dgn dia *shy2 cat*). Untuk hanya memandang, lagi la tak patut. Tapi sebelum sempat buat2 tak nampak, Encik Crush dah ternampak anda sebab kebetulan dia angkat kepala masa anda lalu di hadapannya. Lalu dalam keadaan panic attack tak tau nak buat apa, anda cpt2 pandang ke bawah bagaikan tak nampak walaupun hakikatnya terang-terangan dah nampak. Haish. Dahla gaya ala2 sombong, kantoi keluar malam tanpa mushrif T_T

Mushrif: Perkataan yang sangat popular dalam kalangan student Malaysia di Mesir. Maksudnya ikhwah atau lelaki yang menemankan akhawat bila keluar terutama sekali waktu malam. Tujuan bertemankan seorang atau dua orang ikhwah adalah untuk menjaga keselamatan akhawat Malaysian di Mesir dari gangguan Arab.

Rasa malu tak tau nak letak mana muka yang dah rasa panas ni. Hot kemerahan muka you know! Malu sebab mmg syok sendiri dgn Mr Crush tapi lagi malu sebab rasa respect dengan peribadi dia yang menjaga pandangan. Tak sampai sesaat cepat2 dia menundukkan kembali pandangan. 

Okay cerita dah melalut panjang....

Hah! Jadi, persoalannya sekarang, syok sendiri itu boleh ke tidak...?

Allah berfirman:"Dan janganlah kamu mendekati zina; sesungguhnya zina itu adalah suatu perbuatan yang keji. Dan suatu jalan yang buruk" (Al-Isra' 17:32)

In this ayat, Allah mentioned to us not only to NOT engage in zina, but to avoid any encounters that can lead to zina itself. For example, it may start with a simple text messaging. Then it may lead to going on a date with each other. Next will be holding hands, touching, kissing, etc. You get the idea.

Hadis Rasulullah s.a.w yang dilaporkan oleh Abu Hurayrah r.a. yang bermaksud: "Sesungguhnya telah tertulis (ditetapkan), bagi setiap anak Adam (manusia) bahagian mereka daripada zina yang pasti dia akan dapat tanpa kecuali (kecuali dengan izin Allah). Maka zina mata ialah dengan melihat, zina lidah ialah dengan bercakap, zina hati (jiwa) dengan berangan-angan dan berkeinginan (nafsu syahwat), dan (bergantung kepada) kemaluanlah sama ada untuk membenarkan (keinginan itu), atau menafikannya." [Hadis Riwayat Bukhari]

Even the Prophet himself Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. had mentioned about other forms of zina. They may not be the actual zina, but they can truly waver the hearts of the believers. 

Rasanya hampir semua orang tau yang syaitan sentiasa cuba untuk menyesatkan anak2 Adam. Kadang2 kita tak perasan betapa halusnya hasutan syaitan tu. Dia tak suruh kita terus berzina, dia mesti start dengan ringan2 dulu. Mula2 dia suruh tengok each other, lepas tu ter-admire la pulak dengan sifat dia yang alim2 gitu. Dia suruh cuba contact, test power sikit tengok dia reply tak. Gurau2 sikit masa texting, liking sikit dekat facebook status. Lama-lama sendiri tak sedar yang kita dah masuk pun dalam perangkap syaitan. Nauzubillah...

Honestly, as a struggling muslimah, sometimes it is hard to differentiate which is right and which is wrong according to syara'. Definitely my own fault and I will continue on to try to improve myself as a Muslim. 

Memang susah nak control hati sendiri. Kadang2 kita just dah tersuka kan. Allah tau dan kenal sangat hamba-hambaNya. Allah cipta kita dalam keadaan yang memang tak sempurna. Suka syok sendiri tu mungkin susah nak elak. Tapi yang kita boleh control, perbuatan kita. Kalau dah tersuka, jangan kita buka ruang untuk digoda syaitan lagi. Jaga ikhtilat dan pergaulan. Elakkan perbualan yang memang tak penting. Agak2 kalau tiba2 terfikir jokes baru ke apa ke simpan jela britau kat housemates ke lagi baik insyaAllah. Kalau ada situasi yang memang dah tak boleh elak contoh kene bercakap dalam buat kerja, jangan kita lembutkan suara dengan sengaja. InsyaAllah, May Allah help us in keeping our hearts close to Him always. :)

Serious terasa bila tengok pic nie. Ouch!

I Tak Suka You Tapi I Sayang You

Bismillah..

You..Seriously I tak faham you kadang2. You happy, you gelak. You merajuk, you senyap. Kenapakah?

You..Kita kenal dah masuk tahun ketiga dah nie. Maafkan I sebab kadang2 I still tak dapat baca perangai you. I salahkan diri I sebab maybe I kurang care psl you. Sometimes I just forget to ask how are you.

Sepanjang kita study sama2 nie, I rasa you la yg I plg I rapat. Kita happy sama2, nangis sama2, semua sama2. But every once in a while, I guess we forget to be nice to each other.

You..I know that life can get rough. Even when you don't say anything, I can read you. Your eyes were looking at me but deep down you were nowhere to be found. You're feeling lost and I can see that. Have we not known each other long enough for you to come to me when you need me?

I tau maybe you malu nak cakap ape yg you fikir. I ajak you share mkn pon you malu dgn I. But sometimes I don't know what to do. I'm trying really hard to reach out to you but I'm only human. I have bad days too. Most of the time, I think I disappoint you when I fail to help you. I'm really sorry dear...I'll try to be better...

Btw, before it gets panas here, ini bukan pasal boyfriend. Ini pasal teman. Every struggling muslimah needs a good friend and be a good friend. I'm trying really hard to be one...

Rasullulah pernah bersabda , dari AbiHamzah Anas bin Malik radiyallah ‘anh, khadam Rasullulah s.a.w: “ Tidak beriman seseorang daripada kamu hingga ia mencintai untuk sahabatnya apa yang ia cintai untuk dirinya.”